Bathrooms of America
Deep Ellum, Allston, Ma.

I don’t like pits. The only thing close to pits I like are pitted olives, especially kalamata olives. So it is with great disdain that I ventured to the pit of Massachusetts - Allston. I made a stop into a small, quaint bar called Deep Ellum. It’s the type of place where every patron could be, or could be mistaken for, a Wilco fan or a Pesco-vegitarian. I was excited to check out the bathroom of this snooty, pseudo-sophisticated watering hole.

Formica
                                                    Formica
I see a pattern here
                                        I see a pattern here

First thing is first - I hate Formica. I hate Formica more than Hitler and broccoli combined. The first thing I noticed upon entering this bathroom was the horrendous Formica sink top. This bathroom does not even have the common decency to extend to Formica to cover the exposed drain pipes and unlined waste basket. The bathroom sported an ambitious salmon color paint job, but not ambitious enough to extend to the edge where it meets the tile.

Now let’s talk tile. From the waist down, its all checkered tile. I did all I could to not pass out. If you are prone to seizures, I wouldnt recommend this bathroom. If I wanted a headache, I would have stayed home and watched Dragon Ball Z. Fortunately this bathroom was virtually scentless, and relatively clean (despite the urine that was left there for me.) There were no puddles on the sink top or in front of the toilet, which is a huge plus. One person bathrooms are usually hit or miss, and despite the headache enducing tiling and the soul crushing Formica countertops, Deep Ellum has maintained a bathroom where even pre-Summerteeth Wilco fans wont mind taking a load off.

Logan Airport, Terminal B. Boston, Ma

Terminal B is kind of like a third world country inside of Boston’s Logan Airport. And if Terminal B were Mexico, the mens room would be Tijuana. You would have to make a few substitutions though; you would have to eliminate hookers and hot dog vendors and replace them with foggy mirrors and discount airline flyers. Horror film vibes.http://twitgoo.com/akv7
This bathroom, located next to the Virgin America baggage claim, features a florescent lighting system that hums louder that a church full of Baptists. The toilet seats are scuffed- its hard to imagine how a toilet sear can become scuffed - and the tile walls look like they haven’t been cleaned since ValuJet crashed in the Everglades. Overall, the room looks exactly like something out of Saw IV, so if you have patience, hold it.